i am married to the wild heavens and lightning is the skin of my bride
i just found out that jack colwell died. he passed away in october. causes of death undisclosed, silences that whisper suicide. lynch died too, after being dragged away from his home, through the fires. his heart probably broke. the kindest weirdos are leaving us. death and annihilation are the norm and not the exception. everything will die, everything will end. that is a relief, because it makes things feel less unfair. we will all be forgotten, as much as we all are unknown. those i love the most will die and my memory of them will vanish from whatever biochemical miracle keeps them there. everything will die but our perception of time makes our time feel so small and empty we would sell our soul to have five more minutes. and you fuckers want to wast your time drowning in despair. you fuckers want to make the world uninhabitable. you don't want us to laugh or cry or drink or dance or fuck or write graffiti on the walls or mourn our dead. you want us to serve you. to pay us. to spend our pittance in your products. so we have to keep on serving you. make some time to be a human being every now and then. spend whatever respite you might find on hating something till you cum blood. sleep less. talk less. work more. it's called 'crunch' because that's the noise your bones make. it's not the way out, it's the triathlon of rat races. and i cannot even cry my parasocial weirdos? i can feel in my chest the sounds of their hearts breaking. i feel like I will lose more friends to depression. the rapture of a bunch of lovable people who was allergic to the world. these fuckers want us dead faster than them. they want to automate all the things we won't be able to make while being dead so someone serves them a supplement that tastes like culture every day. they want us dead so they don't have to compete against us for resources. i fucking miss david bowie and robin william and lemmy and jane birkin. i miss every cat i've had. i miss my friends. i miss the manic episodes i had because they kept me from killing myself. i need to go insane or else [i w i l l n o t b e a b l e t o f i n d t h e s t r e n g t h t o e x i s t]. is delulu the final solulu? can we all go crazy in a way that keeps us from setting the world ablaze?